I've had this great epiphany...not that I always put it in to practice, but if you can just give what you do 100% of your attention, it sure does make life easier. I have been doing this work from home thing for about a year now, last year it was such a struggle. I felt like I wasn't doing anything with my whole heart, not completely giving myself to my work and not completely giving myself to my family.
I made the decision this year to carve out some time for my work on a weekly basis, working from home, without any children in the house, and it's made a world of difference. My job actually then feels like a gift, I feel excited (instead of frustrated) as I make phone calls and do the work and then when I pick my kids up later, I give them my whole self without being distracted by what I need to get done with my work, etc. It's kind of funny, it has everything to do with being in the present, the here and now (very yoga-ish and something I should already know). Not being physically in one place and mentally trying to be someplace else. Easier said than done, yes. There is still always laundry and dishes, cleaning around the house to be done, tidying up that would make our life look a little saner, really what counts though is these precious moments we spend together, with our whole hearts present, not drawn in some other direction. In the end, that will keep us all a bit saner, more so than having a clean house and a split personality! If I can remember to do this, stay present with what I am doing, at least once a day, life will be better for us all! I better go leave myself a note, so I remember to do it tomorrow....just kidding!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
You're It
My friend and neighbor, which are in fact the same person, "tagged" me some time ago on her blog. I'm not sure if this is a real cyber thing or if someone just made it up, anyways, being tagged means you have to share 6 random things about yourself. Being tagged could be worse...
1. I love to process "stuff" out loud. Some wise woman once told me that you tell your story until you think you've been heard. Sean has commented more than once, "I've heard you tell that story to 4 different people in the last 2 days." Obviously no one was listening well enough! Ha. It's just one of those things, I have to talk it out to feel like I can figure it out.
2. I dislike hosting parties. I love people, I love when friends or family drop by for a visit, BUT I do not enjoy planning or hosting a party. I have yet to understand this, although I kind of have a clue...I'd rather spend my time at a party talking to one person in some deep conversation about what really matters in life, than to do the nice-ities with everyone there.
3. I love to dance, it frees my soul and makes me feel alive in my skin. I wish I had a night club in Yakima I could go get my groove on whenever I desired.
4. I have a real thing about hands. It's one of the first things I notice about people (Heather and I have discussed this. Sue's friend Heather put hands and feet as one of her 6 random things.) If someone has bad hands, I have a hard time getting past that. Very superficial I know, it's just one of those things for me.
5. I believe in soul mates. Soul mates are really just a part of ourselves living outside our body. It's so dynamic to meet one of your soul mates because you already know one another without sharing a word. Yes, you can have more than one.
6. I'm a morning person, I love being up before anyone else in the house. I love the quiet of it, the sweetness of being awake to see the sunrise and the dawn of a new day.
If you read this, you're it. You're tagged, share your 6!
1. I love to process "stuff" out loud. Some wise woman once told me that you tell your story until you think you've been heard. Sean has commented more than once, "I've heard you tell that story to 4 different people in the last 2 days." Obviously no one was listening well enough! Ha. It's just one of those things, I have to talk it out to feel like I can figure it out.
2. I dislike hosting parties. I love people, I love when friends or family drop by for a visit, BUT I do not enjoy planning or hosting a party. I have yet to understand this, although I kind of have a clue...I'd rather spend my time at a party talking to one person in some deep conversation about what really matters in life, than to do the nice-ities with everyone there.
3. I love to dance, it frees my soul and makes me feel alive in my skin. I wish I had a night club in Yakima I could go get my groove on whenever I desired.
4. I have a real thing about hands. It's one of the first things I notice about people (Heather and I have discussed this. Sue's friend Heather put hands and feet as one of her 6 random things.) If someone has bad hands, I have a hard time getting past that. Very superficial I know, it's just one of those things for me.
5. I believe in soul mates. Soul mates are really just a part of ourselves living outside our body. It's so dynamic to meet one of your soul mates because you already know one another without sharing a word. Yes, you can have more than one.
6. I'm a morning person, I love being up before anyone else in the house. I love the quiet of it, the sweetness of being awake to see the sunrise and the dawn of a new day.
If you read this, you're it. You're tagged, share your 6!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
lost and found
I had a funny experience today at the evening yoga class I teach. I always play music when I teach and have an I-Pod with playlists on it that I use. My husband often teases me about how I spend more time preparing music for the class than preparing the actual yoga for the class, might be some truth to that. Anyway, I keep all my yoga stuff in the same bag that I cart back and forth from home to the studio. As I unpacked my bag today, no I-pod. I hadn't used it since class on Monday and couldn't figure out where the heck it could be. Went out to my car to see if it fell out of "THE BAG", no where to be seen. So, I sat with the thought for awhile of maybe someone stole it, maybe it fell out of the bag and out of my car...couldn't quite figure it out. I kept rechecking the bag to see if I'd missed it somehow. The bag is not that big and there isn't that much stuff in it. I think they call that INSANITY, when you keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. Ha! Reminds me of a time in college when my bike got stolen from outside my work and I kept going back in to the building and coming out again thinking maybe my bike would be there...it never was! Anyway, that is another story.
So, after succumbing to the idea that I would not have my music for class, I checked the CD player and there were some random CDs in there. I posed the question to the class, asking if they wanted that music or none...a wise student said "I think this is a great opportunity for us to use our imaginations." No music it was. As I started the class, it felt awkward, I'm used to having the music to fill the space of quiet. I eased in to it and eventually found my groove and found myself letting go of the I-pod and actually enjoying the change and the awareness the lack of music brought to my teaching. At the end of class, all the students are in savasana, corpse pose, and I was sitting trying to meditate. That dang I-pod kept coming in to my thoughts and I kept telling myself to just let it go. After about 5 minutes of this struggle with myself, I finally realized, it was okay to drop it. I did and then opened my eyes. My i-pod was sitting right in front of me, neatly tucked in to the prayer bowl I ring at the end of class, to signal savasana is over. A big smile crept across my face...it was right in front of me all along! In the end, I appreciated what not having music brought to the practice and the teaching for me, I think I might do it every once in a while, just to keep things fresh!
So, after succumbing to the idea that I would not have my music for class, I checked the CD player and there were some random CDs in there. I posed the question to the class, asking if they wanted that music or none...a wise student said "I think this is a great opportunity for us to use our imaginations." No music it was. As I started the class, it felt awkward, I'm used to having the music to fill the space of quiet. I eased in to it and eventually found my groove and found myself letting go of the I-pod and actually enjoying the change and the awareness the lack of music brought to my teaching. At the end of class, all the students are in savasana, corpse pose, and I was sitting trying to meditate. That dang I-pod kept coming in to my thoughts and I kept telling myself to just let it go. After about 5 minutes of this struggle with myself, I finally realized, it was okay to drop it. I did and then opened my eyes. My i-pod was sitting right in front of me, neatly tucked in to the prayer bowl I ring at the end of class, to signal savasana is over. A big smile crept across my face...it was right in front of me all along! In the end, I appreciated what not having music brought to the practice and the teaching for me, I think I might do it every once in a while, just to keep things fresh!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Grandma Ruby
I haven't blogged for an eternity (well more accurately, about 5 months) and I couldn't remember the web address, so I checked Sue's blog where I knew there was a link to my delinquent blog. I was feeling inspired to blog about my grandma, she died yesterday at the ripe old age of 96. Low and behold, Sue's blog was all about her 2 grandmas.
After my grandpa died (I think he was 92, or maybe 94) Grandma Ruby lived by herself for awhile and then eventually transitioned in to assisted living, where she broke her hip and ended up in the nursing home where she has been for the last 3+ years. She was a spicy woman and even in her old age and deteriorating health, she still had a sense of humor and a wit about her. I didn't know my grandma all that well, despite her living in the same town for most of my life, and being only blocks away from where I live. We were never what you would call close. When I named my daughter after her, she said "Well, you must like me somewhat if you'd name your daughter after me." You always knew where you stand with her, she'd tell you if she didn't like your haircut, or if she did. She was honest, sometimes painfully, but I respect and appreciate honesty in anyone. I'd much rather hear the truth that wonder what someone really thinks.
I wasn't sure how to approach her death with my Ruby - at 3 1/2 you don't necessarily know how to process such a think, but I figured honesty was the best approach and went with it. Here is the conversation...
me: Ruby, I need to tell you something. Grandma Ruby died this morning.
Ruby: That's really sad, Mama.
me: It is sad, honey.
Ruby: You know what, Mom. It's okay, she's with God now.
I then gave her some version if you need to talk about this more....blah blah blah and she said "Don't worry mom, I'm not sad. I am just missing her."
She's an amazing little being, that Ruby. Also sort of serendipitous, this week at yoga I read a poem titled "When Death Comes" by Mary Oliver. If you haven't read it, it's worth finding and reading. It talks about how she wants to have lived her life when it's over, taking in all the preciousness of our time here and living with a spirit of curiosity and wonder, not simply visiting the earth. A good reminder to take time to notice all that surrounds you, to know the hearts of those you love and to be present in every moment have.
After my grandpa died (I think he was 92, or maybe 94) Grandma Ruby lived by herself for awhile and then eventually transitioned in to assisted living, where she broke her hip and ended up in the nursing home where she has been for the last 3+ years. She was a spicy woman and even in her old age and deteriorating health, she still had a sense of humor and a wit about her. I didn't know my grandma all that well, despite her living in the same town for most of my life, and being only blocks away from where I live. We were never what you would call close. When I named my daughter after her, she said "Well, you must like me somewhat if you'd name your daughter after me." You always knew where you stand with her, she'd tell you if she didn't like your haircut, or if she did. She was honest, sometimes painfully, but I respect and appreciate honesty in anyone. I'd much rather hear the truth that wonder what someone really thinks.
I wasn't sure how to approach her death with my Ruby - at 3 1/2 you don't necessarily know how to process such a think, but I figured honesty was the best approach and went with it. Here is the conversation...
me: Ruby, I need to tell you something. Grandma Ruby died this morning.
Ruby: That's really sad, Mama.
me: It is sad, honey.
Ruby: You know what, Mom. It's okay, she's with God now.
I then gave her some version if you need to talk about this more....blah blah blah and she said "Don't worry mom, I'm not sad. I am just missing her."
She's an amazing little being, that Ruby. Also sort of serendipitous, this week at yoga I read a poem titled "When Death Comes" by Mary Oliver. If you haven't read it, it's worth finding and reading. It talks about how she wants to have lived her life when it's over, taking in all the preciousness of our time here and living with a spirit of curiosity and wonder, not simply visiting the earth. A good reminder to take time to notice all that surrounds you, to know the hearts of those you love and to be present in every moment have.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Eat Pray Love
I should be cleaning up my house, Willis is asleep and Ruby is at school. It looks like a tornado blew through our dining room. There are brownie crumbs on the table, playdoh stuck in the cracks of the table, O's squished on the floor and who knows what I might find if I unbuckled Willis' seat from the chair...hopefully no old meat, which Sean did find once and claimed it was the cause of whatever illness was making its way through our home that week! The living room floor is scattered with toys and I think there are still dishes in the sink from last night's dinner. Can you see why I am procrastinating? There are also 3 baskets of laundry in my bedroom waiting to be put away. How old do kids have to be before you can start having them do their own laundry? Probably 3 is a little young to expect Ruby to be putting her own clothes in her drawer and have some semblance of order in there.
My messy house is not why I am drawn to write today, though. I went to my first book club gathering last night, with most of the usual suspects. Our first book was Eat Pray Love, which I read about a year ago. I didn't know what to expect, yet I think I was anticipating an intellecutal discussion about the book and the author, and what I was pleasantly surprised by, was the depth of the questions and the insight our answers gave in to our selves. This is a group of women I would say I know well, and yet there is always something new to learn about those in our lives, if we are just a little bit curious. I keep thinking about the title of this book, eat pray love and can't help but think this is the answer. This is what we need to do, eat and pray love. Let love be the focus of all that we do, from eating to praying and everything in between. Love is all you need, right? Turning that to myself, I was asked the question last night about my own experience with meditation and I attempted to share what is for me a really difficult thing to describe. This led to a discussion about listening to divine wisdom, that voice that we hear inside ourselves when we are open to listen. For some reason, that voice keeps speaking very loudly to me since I left our gathering last night, telling me I need to share this "I don't know anything you don't know." Is that weird? I am humbled by this experience and struck by the notion that we all know intrinsically what we need, sometimes it takes someone seeing it from the outside to get us in touch with that, but truly, all the answers are within. They are not somewhere to be found out there, separate from ourselves, look within and you will find the truth and the light. Eat pray love for yourself and that will open your heart to the interconnectedness of us all, to that experience of supreme love that Gilbert writes about in this book. If you haven't read it, you should. And if you haven't joined a book club, I recommend that to.
And now that quote you've been waiting for....
God...abides very close to us indeed - much closer than we can imagine, breathing right through our own hearts. Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
My messy house is not why I am drawn to write today, though. I went to my first book club gathering last night, with most of the usual suspects. Our first book was Eat Pray Love, which I read about a year ago. I didn't know what to expect, yet I think I was anticipating an intellecutal discussion about the book and the author, and what I was pleasantly surprised by, was the depth of the questions and the insight our answers gave in to our selves. This is a group of women I would say I know well, and yet there is always something new to learn about those in our lives, if we are just a little bit curious. I keep thinking about the title of this book, eat pray love and can't help but think this is the answer. This is what we need to do, eat and pray love. Let love be the focus of all that we do, from eating to praying and everything in between. Love is all you need, right? Turning that to myself, I was asked the question last night about my own experience with meditation and I attempted to share what is for me a really difficult thing to describe. This led to a discussion about listening to divine wisdom, that voice that we hear inside ourselves when we are open to listen. For some reason, that voice keeps speaking very loudly to me since I left our gathering last night, telling me I need to share this "I don't know anything you don't know." Is that weird? I am humbled by this experience and struck by the notion that we all know intrinsically what we need, sometimes it takes someone seeing it from the outside to get us in touch with that, but truly, all the answers are within. They are not somewhere to be found out there, separate from ourselves, look within and you will find the truth and the light. Eat pray love for yourself and that will open your heart to the interconnectedness of us all, to that experience of supreme love that Gilbert writes about in this book. If you haven't read it, you should. And if you haven't joined a book club, I recommend that to.
And now that quote you've been waiting for....
God...abides very close to us indeed - much closer than we can imagine, breathing right through our own hearts. Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
Friday, February 15, 2008
Giving
Your gift is what you give - Yogi Tea bag
Or something along those lines...I got this tea bag the other day. It was today that it struck me though, the gift in giving. I have been taking care of my niece Mylie today. Her little sister Piper is in the hospital and Anna is, of course, there with her. Standing in my kitchen, picking cashews out of a mixed nut can, because that is what Mylie likes, I was aware of the satisfaction I feel in being able to offer something in someone elses time of need. What I can offer isn't that it is so much, it's just that I am the one that has the ability today to be able to do it and it feels really good. I have, for the last several weeks, been complaining, for lack of a better word, about the lack of time I have for myself. Today, I am wondering about that...I don't feel tapped out, I feel full today and have had very little time to myself (amazingly enough though, I am blogging with 3 children in the house, 2 of them awake!) Maybe part of it too, is the gift I get tonight. Ryan and Niki are coming over to take care of Ruby and Willis so Sean and I can go out to dinner. I feel blessed that our family is what it is and that in times of need, big or small, we band together. I do believe that difficult times can bring out the best in us, remind us of what we are capable of, even if only in our hearts. Life is good.
Or something along those lines...I got this tea bag the other day. It was today that it struck me though, the gift in giving. I have been taking care of my niece Mylie today. Her little sister Piper is in the hospital and Anna is, of course, there with her. Standing in my kitchen, picking cashews out of a mixed nut can, because that is what Mylie likes, I was aware of the satisfaction I feel in being able to offer something in someone elses time of need. What I can offer isn't that it is so much, it's just that I am the one that has the ability today to be able to do it and it feels really good. I have, for the last several weeks, been complaining, for lack of a better word, about the lack of time I have for myself. Today, I am wondering about that...I don't feel tapped out, I feel full today and have had very little time to myself (amazingly enough though, I am blogging with 3 children in the house, 2 of them awake!) Maybe part of it too, is the gift I get tonight. Ryan and Niki are coming over to take care of Ruby and Willis so Sean and I can go out to dinner. I feel blessed that our family is what it is and that in times of need, big or small, we band together. I do believe that difficult times can bring out the best in us, remind us of what we are capable of, even if only in our hearts. Life is good.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Santosha
Santosad anuttamah sukha-labhah (Contentment brings supreme happiness)
Sutra II.42 Patanjali's Yoga Sutras
Why is it so hard to watch those we love struggle through something? On a heart level it hurts. I know that we have to stand back and watch those around us journey through their own lives, following whatever path they choose, and even knowing that, it seems particularly painful to do it. I don't know if it's watching the suffering that is hard or letting go of not being able to fix something for someone else that is harder. I don't think of myself necessarily as a fixer, but I find that as someone close to me struggles, or is sad, I want to wrap my arms around them and make it all better, to relieve that pain. We all get to choose our path, whether it is an easy one or more difficult one, whether we choose to create suffering for ourselves, or whether we choose to alleviate some of that. It happens everyday, we make these little choices that lead us toward or away from happiness. And truth be told, sometimes we want to sit in the spot that has led us away from happiness. Sometimes it feels good to hurt, to feel the depths of what we are capable of. I guess the problem comes in when we stay stuck there and decide we are attached to that feeling, then it's not so good. Every day is different, every day we get to wake up and choose what we want, how we want to feel about what happens around us. This week I am studying the niyamas, the second limb of the eight limbs of yoga. One of the niyamas is santosha, contentment, not having our inner feelings contingent on what happens around us. Yesterday that was a real struggle for me. Today, there is a sense of relief, as I remind myself that me being discontent because of what is happening in someone else's life is really wasted energy. It's nothing I have control over and it doesn't help their situation any. The best thing I can do is be supportive, listen and stay on my own path toward contentment, so I don't cause a ripple effect in the lives of those around me. The more I study, the more I feel like everything is yoga, everything is about finding that union within ourselves and the world around us. I am beginning to see how interconnected we truly are.
I have a few precious minutes while Willis is still asleep and I can get some things done around the house....giving Sean a clean home to return to this evening will certainly help his contentment, which helps mine.....and so the story goes.
Sutra II.42 Patanjali's Yoga Sutras
Why is it so hard to watch those we love struggle through something? On a heart level it hurts. I know that we have to stand back and watch those around us journey through their own lives, following whatever path they choose, and even knowing that, it seems particularly painful to do it. I don't know if it's watching the suffering that is hard or letting go of not being able to fix something for someone else that is harder. I don't think of myself necessarily as a fixer, but I find that as someone close to me struggles, or is sad, I want to wrap my arms around them and make it all better, to relieve that pain. We all get to choose our path, whether it is an easy one or more difficult one, whether we choose to create suffering for ourselves, or whether we choose to alleviate some of that. It happens everyday, we make these little choices that lead us toward or away from happiness. And truth be told, sometimes we want to sit in the spot that has led us away from happiness. Sometimes it feels good to hurt, to feel the depths of what we are capable of. I guess the problem comes in when we stay stuck there and decide we are attached to that feeling, then it's not so good. Every day is different, every day we get to wake up and choose what we want, how we want to feel about what happens around us. This week I am studying the niyamas, the second limb of the eight limbs of yoga. One of the niyamas is santosha, contentment, not having our inner feelings contingent on what happens around us. Yesterday that was a real struggle for me. Today, there is a sense of relief, as I remind myself that me being discontent because of what is happening in someone else's life is really wasted energy. It's nothing I have control over and it doesn't help their situation any. The best thing I can do is be supportive, listen and stay on my own path toward contentment, so I don't cause a ripple effect in the lives of those around me. The more I study, the more I feel like everything is yoga, everything is about finding that union within ourselves and the world around us. I am beginning to see how interconnected we truly are.
I have a few precious minutes while Willis is still asleep and I can get some things done around the house....giving Sean a clean home to return to this evening will certainly help his contentment, which helps mine.....and so the story goes.
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