I am 38 today. I don't know what I expected 38 to feel like, but it wasn't this. Not in a bad way, I just keep thinking...dang girl...38, that is so close to 40. So, I am guessing that somewhere in my mind 40 seemed old at some point in time. I think back to my mom at 38, it was when she had my brother, and she didn't seem old then, but somewhere in my 20s, 40 seemed older, more mature, I guess. I don't know where I thought I'd be or what I'd be doing, but as I drove in my car today with my 3 kiddos buckled in their carseats (the older 2 arguing with each other and the little one singing to herself), I couldn't think of someplace else in life I'd want to be really. There is so much to be joyful about when I sit in the present. When I look around at all I have to be grateful for, all my family is blessed with, it puts a smile on my face and often tears in my eyes.
Maybe it's been knowing this birthday is coming, or maybe I have just looked a little closer at myself in the mirror, but I have noticed more wrinkles on my face lately. Last week my son told me my neck was getting old recently, kind of "scrunchy, you know". The funny thing is that I feel healthier than I've ever been. I'm training for a marathon and running again after about an 8 year hiatus. My body feels like its in good shape, strong, I feel like I'm at my prime in some ways, full of potential. I contemplate the next 38 years on the horizon and think...yes, my body will probably start breaking down from here on out (it's probably already started to), and so I better take good care of it, be kind to it, its the only one I've got. I hope that isn't the case with my mind. Hopefully, it's the opposite, it continues to find more clarity, less struggle, more ease, less suffering.
I keep getting the same label on my yogi tea bags that say "Feel good, do good, be good." Those 3 in I'm not sure what order, but it resonates with me. I hope to spend this next year living that. Feeling good, taking care of myself, not putting garbage into my body or my mind, continuing to surround myself with people that make me feel good, laughing often, spending as much time as possible outside. Doing good...raising my children with intention, taking care of my husband and my family, being kind to others, having a positive impact on those I come into contact with, friends and strangers alike, extending grace, forgiveness, letting the past go. And last but not least...being good. I think the being good comes from living the first two. I am hoping it will be my best year yet.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Re-emerging
oh boy...nobody faint...it's been 3 months since I have been able to find it in me to write for public consumption. I've done plenty of journaling over the course of the last few months, but letting anyone into my head has felt like a scary proposition. Do you ever feel like you are going nuts? I have spent the last few months stuck in my head. In general, I think I am a pretty quiet minded person. It's not that I don't process things or think about stuff, I just don't tend to get so preoccupied with my thoughts that I am distracted from what is going on in front of me. Over the course of this fall, I felt like my spinning just began to consume me. I felt lost in my head much of the time, watching the same thoughts pass through my mind day in and day out. Don't ask me what they were, because I'm not even sure I could tell you, I don't really know. What I do know, is that I began to feel very lonely, despite having plenty of people in my life. I began to sink deeper inside myself and found myself struggling with the same old stuff. One evening I spent about 3 hours reading my old journals, from 15+ years ago. I cringed as I could see many of the same exact patterns playing out in my mind today. I thought I had purged myself of much of that baggage and have to admit I was more than a bit disappointed to realize I am still doing the same work. What is it that makes us hold so tight to those destructive thought patterns? After beating myself up over it for an evening, I began to think maybe we are like onions. We just keep peeling back these layers, they don't really look different, the layers, but we get closer to the core the more we pull them back. I guess that is just what I am doing, moving closer toward my Self (you know the one with the big S).
After the journey back in time with these journals, I told my husband about feeling lonely. I can see it's because I begin to hide my Self from those I love. I put the masks on that give the impression all is well and I stop sharing what is really going on. I've been peeling the masks off and my mind seems to have a little more space in it and I am feeling a little lighter.
I don't think it is coincidence that I feel this way during a time when the darkness is overtaking the light in nature. I think this season gives us the opportunity to be reflective, to go inside and see what is left to heal, to repair, to rebuild, to recharge... and hopefully re-emerge a better version of our self.
After the journey back in time with these journals, I told my husband about feeling lonely. I can see it's because I begin to hide my Self from those I love. I put the masks on that give the impression all is well and I stop sharing what is really going on. I've been peeling the masks off and my mind seems to have a little more space in it and I am feeling a little lighter.
I don't think it is coincidence that I feel this way during a time when the darkness is overtaking the light in nature. I think this season gives us the opportunity to be reflective, to go inside and see what is left to heal, to repair, to rebuild, to recharge... and hopefully re-emerge a better version of our self.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Whirlwind
I feel like I've been on a bit of a whirlwind tour this summer. It's been great - a little wild, fast paced and unruly at times, but what strikes me most is how quickly it has gone by. I started back to "work" today. Don't ask me why I put that in quotations, it is a part time job, really, but sometimes it doesn't feel like a real job. I feel like just yesterday I was picking the kids up from the last day of school and here we are back at it again.
I'm thankful to be returning to some structure, to have more stimulation for my brain that is adult and feels like it is making a difference in the community at large. We all make a difference every day, in big and small ways. Anyone who is raising kids, or playing a role in the lives of young people, has a great potential to make a difference. Some days it is absolutely enough for me, and other days I can taste a longing for something else, intelligent adult conversation that you don't get enough of when you are herding children or referee-ing for them.
We have played hard this summer, taken lots of weekend trips, gone on a couple of adventures and just generally embraced the season of it. I did a yoga retreat last weekend that was about quieting the nervous system, intended to help us make this transition from summer's frenetic pace into a quieter season. It felt fantastic, it was slow and gentle. Yet, I find myself not quite ready to slow down, to spin out of the whirlwind, we are headed to play some more this weekend. Everything has a time and a place, I suppose, and the time to jump out of vacation mode is not yet for me. We think of vacation mode as one that is laid back, which in ways this summer has been. I have felt more carefree and spontaneous than I can remember being in many moons. I think life will actually take on a more even rhythm, a slower and steadier pace come fall and I welcome it when it comes...I'm just not quite ready...yet.
I'm thankful to be returning to some structure, to have more stimulation for my brain that is adult and feels like it is making a difference in the community at large. We all make a difference every day, in big and small ways. Anyone who is raising kids, or playing a role in the lives of young people, has a great potential to make a difference. Some days it is absolutely enough for me, and other days I can taste a longing for something else, intelligent adult conversation that you don't get enough of when you are herding children or referee-ing for them.
We have played hard this summer, taken lots of weekend trips, gone on a couple of adventures and just generally embraced the season of it. I did a yoga retreat last weekend that was about quieting the nervous system, intended to help us make this transition from summer's frenetic pace into a quieter season. It felt fantastic, it was slow and gentle. Yet, I find myself not quite ready to slow down, to spin out of the whirlwind, we are headed to play some more this weekend. Everything has a time and a place, I suppose, and the time to jump out of vacation mode is not yet for me. We think of vacation mode as one that is laid back, which in ways this summer has been. I have felt more carefree and spontaneous than I can remember being in many moons. I think life will actually take on a more even rhythm, a slower and steadier pace come fall and I welcome it when it comes...I'm just not quite ready...yet.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Am I really like that?
Sometimes life holds up a full length mirror and I find myself staring into my own eyes asking, "Am I really like that?" I am all for introspection. I try hard to look inward, to really see myself, to recognize when I act out of fear, when I misrepresent the truth, when I am not gracious and a million other things I can't begin to list. I try to understand the root of those behaviors, what's behind the impatience or the stress, those things are typically symptoms, right? And not the root cause. For instance, my resentment towards my husband last week really wasn't about what he was or wasn't doing, it was about my own needs not being met and my inability to ask for what it is I need. It's a vicious cycle sometimes, but when we can find the seed, so to speak, we can typically eradicate the problem.
About six weeks ago, I told my husband I felt like I was drowning in housework. I feel like with all of us home this summer, I can't begin to keep on top it. I can do the surface stuff, the laundry, straightening up, dishes, etc. It's the deeper cleaning that I can never seem to find (or make) the time for. I could feel it wearing on me. I was having a hard time relaxing at home, knowing the floors needed mopping, bathroom disinfected. It's the last thing I want to do after the kids are in bed at night, a girl needs some down time. Enough of my justifying here, my husband being the man he is, wanted to fix it. That is what men do, bless their hearts, solve problems. He called a couple of cleaning services, scheduled appointments for them to come and give us a bid and we picked one. They cleaned our house that week and have come back every other week to do the same. Having a cleaner house has been great. What hasn't been great is my interaction with the company... an incorrect bill, the cleaners showing up unexpected, showing up 2 hours late. With 3 kids at home, it's definitely easiest on all of us, if we can leave the house when they arrive and be gone for the duration. I have rearranged my schedule to make that happen and then they don't come when they say they will. It happened again today and I was really frustrated. I called the office and as I talked with the office person, I could tell she thought I was nuts. It struck me as to how inflexible I must appear to her. After I told her this was not going to work for me, that I was frustrated with the communication, or lack there of, she said, "I'm sorry, but I can't have them there at an exact time. It's 2 minutes past 11:30 . I know they were planning to be there around 11:30 and you can either leave the door unlocked or wait if you want them to come. " I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was over it, me, too. We got disconnected, the joys of cell phones and I dropped my kids off and headed to yoga. She called back in the mean time, I didn't answer and made myself spend a few minutes just breathing and letting go of the irritation I felt. I called her back, we had a much more pleasant conversation and it all worked out, today.
I'd like to think I am flexible, that I am able to let things go and am not rigid about how life has to happen. I've witnessed this quality in others and it isn't one of my favorites. I'm not sure if it fear of unknown, I think it is more about feeling out of control. I don't have any answers, I think this is one I need to sit on. It probably sounds like I am making a bigger deal out of this than need be. I'm not. I just got myself all worked up today and wasn't able to clearly articulate my needs, again, and that made me feel stressed out and on edge. I'm not usually like that, am I? Just kidding.
About six weeks ago, I told my husband I felt like I was drowning in housework. I feel like with all of us home this summer, I can't begin to keep on top it. I can do the surface stuff, the laundry, straightening up, dishes, etc. It's the deeper cleaning that I can never seem to find (or make) the time for. I could feel it wearing on me. I was having a hard time relaxing at home, knowing the floors needed mopping, bathroom disinfected. It's the last thing I want to do after the kids are in bed at night, a girl needs some down time. Enough of my justifying here, my husband being the man he is, wanted to fix it. That is what men do, bless their hearts, solve problems. He called a couple of cleaning services, scheduled appointments for them to come and give us a bid and we picked one. They cleaned our house that week and have come back every other week to do the same. Having a cleaner house has been great. What hasn't been great is my interaction with the company... an incorrect bill, the cleaners showing up unexpected, showing up 2 hours late. With 3 kids at home, it's definitely easiest on all of us, if we can leave the house when they arrive and be gone for the duration. I have rearranged my schedule to make that happen and then they don't come when they say they will. It happened again today and I was really frustrated. I called the office and as I talked with the office person, I could tell she thought I was nuts. It struck me as to how inflexible I must appear to her. After I told her this was not going to work for me, that I was frustrated with the communication, or lack there of, she said, "I'm sorry, but I can't have them there at an exact time. It's 2 minutes past 11:30 . I know they were planning to be there around 11:30 and you can either leave the door unlocked or wait if you want them to come. " I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was over it, me, too. We got disconnected, the joys of cell phones and I dropped my kids off and headed to yoga. She called back in the mean time, I didn't answer and made myself spend a few minutes just breathing and letting go of the irritation I felt. I called her back, we had a much more pleasant conversation and it all worked out, today.
I'd like to think I am flexible, that I am able to let things go and am not rigid about how life has to happen. I've witnessed this quality in others and it isn't one of my favorites. I'm not sure if it fear of unknown, I think it is more about feeling out of control. I don't have any answers, I think this is one I need to sit on. It probably sounds like I am making a bigger deal out of this than need be. I'm not. I just got myself all worked up today and wasn't able to clearly articulate my needs, again, and that made me feel stressed out and on edge. I'm not usually like that, am I? Just kidding.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Come Together
This morning I went to yoga class, the first one I have been to where I wasn't teaching in many weeks. I was giddy dropping my children off, knowing I would get a few hours to myself. I have loved summer and the freedom I have being home with 3 kids, the time we have to play, the togetherness. It has also had its challenges - all that togetherness, it seems to lead to bickering, me refereeing and that sometimes exhausts me.
I settled onto my mat to prepare for meditation and my yoga teacher shared a mantra for our practice. "We are connected to the energy of all things." I could feel myself softening into my seat, clearing out some space in my mind as I followed my breath in and out, in and out, and recited this seemingly simple mantra to myself. My teacher spoke of how all of yoga is really about connectedness, the word yoga meaning essentially union, gratitude, awareness of our dependence on others. It resonated with me and felt easy to let it wash over me, clearing out whatever junk I came in with and creating some space for something easier, a little more free. There is such freedom in letting go, of relinquishing the idea that I need to do it all. Realizing that it is not just okay, but it is better when I take time for myself, allow my needs to be met first, and then tend to the other needs in my world.
I left yoga feeling grateful, whole, and most definitely connected. I saw a dear student and friend in the parking lot as I walked to the car. We exchanged hugs and smiles and she headed into the studio as I got into my car. I could feel myself brimming with joy. Was it the yoga or the act of doing something for myself? Probably both, didn't matter. My in-laws graciously took my children for the morning and I had at least an hour before I needed to get back to pick them up. I had several errands to run, which are amazingly fast when there aren't 3 little people getting in and out of the car, too. I pulled up in the parking lot of my son's preschool to deliver his tuition and paperwork and a song on the radio caught my attention. I turned off the engine and listened to the lyrics:
"I got a strong back, steel toes, I'm handy with a wrench. There is nothing I can't drive, nothing I can't fix. I work sun-up to sun-down. Give you 40 and then some. Three dollars and change at the pump. Cost of livin's high and goin' up."
It's a song about a family man trying to find a job, selling himself to a potential employer. My tears were flowing and turned into sobs. Took 2 tissues to wipe away the tears and pull myself together once the song was over. Why am I so emotional? I ask myself. Am I? Maybe it's just that I can feel the truth in that story, there are many souls out there looking for work, trying to make a living, trying to feed their families. Times aren't easy for everyone. I have much to be grateful for, every gosh darn day. Sometimes I get caught up in my own world and stop seeing what is around me, stop feeling gracious and giving. I have to remember to take time for myself, to slow down and reconnect with myself, with that sense of being a small part of something much greater.
I headed off to the grocery store, changed the radio station to Top 40, could feel myself lightening up and by the time I got to Fred Meyer I was grooving to a new beat, dancing my way down the street (in my car, of course). "Evacuate the dance floor, I'm infected by the sound...." Felt like I went from one extreme to the other, not really though. They are just two sides of the same coin. Come together...right now...over me
I settled onto my mat to prepare for meditation and my yoga teacher shared a mantra for our practice. "We are connected to the energy of all things." I could feel myself softening into my seat, clearing out some space in my mind as I followed my breath in and out, in and out, and recited this seemingly simple mantra to myself. My teacher spoke of how all of yoga is really about connectedness, the word yoga meaning essentially union, gratitude, awareness of our dependence on others. It resonated with me and felt easy to let it wash over me, clearing out whatever junk I came in with and creating some space for something easier, a little more free. There is such freedom in letting go, of relinquishing the idea that I need to do it all. Realizing that it is not just okay, but it is better when I take time for myself, allow my needs to be met first, and then tend to the other needs in my world.
I left yoga feeling grateful, whole, and most definitely connected. I saw a dear student and friend in the parking lot as I walked to the car. We exchanged hugs and smiles and she headed into the studio as I got into my car. I could feel myself brimming with joy. Was it the yoga or the act of doing something for myself? Probably both, didn't matter. My in-laws graciously took my children for the morning and I had at least an hour before I needed to get back to pick them up. I had several errands to run, which are amazingly fast when there aren't 3 little people getting in and out of the car, too. I pulled up in the parking lot of my son's preschool to deliver his tuition and paperwork and a song on the radio caught my attention. I turned off the engine and listened to the lyrics:
"I got a strong back, steel toes, I'm handy with a wrench. There is nothing I can't drive, nothing I can't fix. I work sun-up to sun-down. Give you 40 and then some. Three dollars and change at the pump. Cost of livin's high and goin' up."
It's a song about a family man trying to find a job, selling himself to a potential employer. My tears were flowing and turned into sobs. Took 2 tissues to wipe away the tears and pull myself together once the song was over. Why am I so emotional? I ask myself. Am I? Maybe it's just that I can feel the truth in that story, there are many souls out there looking for work, trying to make a living, trying to feed their families. Times aren't easy for everyone. I have much to be grateful for, every gosh darn day. Sometimes I get caught up in my own world and stop seeing what is around me, stop feeling gracious and giving. I have to remember to take time for myself, to slow down and reconnect with myself, with that sense of being a small part of something much greater.
I headed off to the grocery store, changed the radio station to Top 40, could feel myself lightening up and by the time I got to Fred Meyer I was grooving to a new beat, dancing my way down the street (in my car, of course). "Evacuate the dance floor, I'm infected by the sound...." Felt like I went from one extreme to the other, not really though. They are just two sides of the same coin. Come together...right now...over me
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Summer, Summer, Summer
I think we have officially made the transition to summer. Weather is hot, kids are sleeping in, our social calendar has been busy and our house is a mess. I'm much more inclined to spend the afternoon poolside than to stay here and clean up. Dinner is often something on the BBQ and I feel a freedom I haven't felt in a long while. We spent last weekend on Whidbey Island, and as I sat on the beach, looking out at the amazing view, taking in the sea air, feeling sunshine on my skin, I felt truly relaxed. The kids were playing, scattered on the beach. I felt content, happy to feel like I could just be and didn't need to DO anything. Sometimes that is hard for me, I feel like there is so much effort in to getting places with our 3 munchkins, that once we get there, it's hard for me to enjoy the journey of being there and not focus on the next destination, so to speak.
Yesterday, I dropped my oldest off at mini-camp. She was smiling, excited, happy when I left. I could see the mix of emotion in many of the kids faces. Excitement coupled with a bit of concern...our my parents really leaving me here? I felt proud of Ruby and how brave she is to go off to camp for 2 nights. We had many conversations prior to that day about what camp might be like and she was truly just excited and open to the adventure of it. As we pulled in to the parking lot, I could feel that heaviness in my gut, tears welling up in my eyes. I looked at her and told her I was going to try really hard not to cry when I left here. She wrapped her arms around my leg and said "Oh Mom." Not in an annoyed sort of way, rather in a tender, I love you, I'll be fine sort of way. It feels like such a milestone and in the mean time the other two are changing right before my very eyes. Willis' little body is changing, he's getting taller, slimmer. His face is losing baby fat, I assume, as it looks different, older. Elsie is stringing words together, understanding things I don't expect her to. I wonder when did all this take place? I've been watching, am I just now noticing or did it happen overnight? My heart is full and aches all at the same time. I know there is no use in holding on, everything changes. Kids grow up, relationships change, I change. Even knowing that, there is a bittersweet longing to soak up what is before it's gone and has turned into something else, not better or worse, just different. I'm grateful for these long summer days, time to play, to be, to give myself permission to not work so hard and to enjoy the simple moments that pass us by when we aren't watching.
Yesterday, I dropped my oldest off at mini-camp. She was smiling, excited, happy when I left. I could see the mix of emotion in many of the kids faces. Excitement coupled with a bit of concern...our my parents really leaving me here? I felt proud of Ruby and how brave she is to go off to camp for 2 nights. We had many conversations prior to that day about what camp might be like and she was truly just excited and open to the adventure of it. As we pulled in to the parking lot, I could feel that heaviness in my gut, tears welling up in my eyes. I looked at her and told her I was going to try really hard not to cry when I left here. She wrapped her arms around my leg and said "Oh Mom." Not in an annoyed sort of way, rather in a tender, I love you, I'll be fine sort of way. It feels like such a milestone and in the mean time the other two are changing right before my very eyes. Willis' little body is changing, he's getting taller, slimmer. His face is losing baby fat, I assume, as it looks different, older. Elsie is stringing words together, understanding things I don't expect her to. I wonder when did all this take place? I've been watching, am I just now noticing or did it happen overnight? My heart is full and aches all at the same time. I know there is no use in holding on, everything changes. Kids grow up, relationships change, I change. Even knowing that, there is a bittersweet longing to soak up what is before it's gone and has turned into something else, not better or worse, just different. I'm grateful for these long summer days, time to play, to be, to give myself permission to not work so hard and to enjoy the simple moments that pass us by when we aren't watching.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wedding Bells
Last weekend, my sister-in-law got married. She had asked my husband (her brother) and I to do the homily. We were both a little overwhelmed by the prospect of it, neither of us ever having given a homily. As we delved into it, I think we both found inspiration. The homily, for those of you unfamiliar with Catholic weddings, is "the talk" that usually the priest gives after the Bible readings. It's typically a reflection of the Gospel reading and how it relates to marriage. The priest performing the marriage told the bride and groom that in Native American tradition, a lay person gives the homily. We were honored and humbled to be chosen. The homily has great significance, and we wanted to be sure the words were right for these two we love dearly.
As we began looking into the particular Gospel reading and it's meaning, we found it all boiled down to faith. I came across a quote from St. Augustine that spoke to me, something along the lines of "faith is to believe in things you can not see and the reward of faith is to see what you believe." We could all use a little faith, could we not? People basically live up or down to our expectations of them and when you believe in people, their goodness, their potential, more often than not, you are pleasantly surprised. We both put a lot of thought in to the homily into what we would say. Looking at the sacrament of marriage and it's meaning, made me hopeful. We don't always live up to our commitments in marriage, but we continue to hold that ideal out there in hopes that one day we will. Sure, we live up to parts of it, but am I always gracious in my relationship with my husband? No...definitely not. Am I always kind, patient, generous? Again, the answer is no. I do believe that I can be though, and so I keep working at it, drawing upon a source greater than myself, when I can't muster up the grace myself to do or say the right thing.
So, the wedding. Everything about it was perfect. It was truly a community effort. There were 20 or so people around the house at all times, working to make the event come off without a hitch. Everyone had such a positive attitude, happy to part of the exciting day, willing to help in whatever way was useful. I felt like I was part of the tribe again. I think the bride and groom were able to relax and enjoy the days leading up to and the day of the wedding, resting softly in the knowing that everything would be taken care of. I envy them a little in this way. I've always lived with the mentality that if you want something done, you better do it yourself. In fact, it drives my husband crazy because I will ask him to do something for me and than do it myself, too impatient to wait or because I think I just better do it myself. Who knows why I do that?? But, I could see that it was easy for them to let go, to trust that someone else would take care of any details they hadn't already. They had done the hard work preparing, getting ready and now it was their time to enjoy themselves and their company. (They might have a different take on this, but they both seemed very calm and at ease.)
The wedding was beautiful, special. My sister-in-law's 2 young daughters, ages 7 and 4, were very much a part of the ceremony. You could feel the 4 of them become 1 family. I left that church, listening to the wedding bells of this little old Catholic Church ringing out fiercely over the country side. I felt filled with great hope for the future of this new little family. They are wrapped in love, held by many, many people, committed to their new life, to supporting them as they make their way on this journey. The celebration that followed was a reflection of just that...lots of lively conversation, laughter, dancing, good food and happiness.
As we began looking into the particular Gospel reading and it's meaning, we found it all boiled down to faith. I came across a quote from St. Augustine that spoke to me, something along the lines of "faith is to believe in things you can not see and the reward of faith is to see what you believe." We could all use a little faith, could we not? People basically live up or down to our expectations of them and when you believe in people, their goodness, their potential, more often than not, you are pleasantly surprised. We both put a lot of thought in to the homily into what we would say. Looking at the sacrament of marriage and it's meaning, made me hopeful. We don't always live up to our commitments in marriage, but we continue to hold that ideal out there in hopes that one day we will. Sure, we live up to parts of it, but am I always gracious in my relationship with my husband? No...definitely not. Am I always kind, patient, generous? Again, the answer is no. I do believe that I can be though, and so I keep working at it, drawing upon a source greater than myself, when I can't muster up the grace myself to do or say the right thing.
So, the wedding. Everything about it was perfect. It was truly a community effort. There were 20 or so people around the house at all times, working to make the event come off without a hitch. Everyone had such a positive attitude, happy to part of the exciting day, willing to help in whatever way was useful. I felt like I was part of the tribe again. I think the bride and groom were able to relax and enjoy the days leading up to and the day of the wedding, resting softly in the knowing that everything would be taken care of. I envy them a little in this way. I've always lived with the mentality that if you want something done, you better do it yourself. In fact, it drives my husband crazy because I will ask him to do something for me and than do it myself, too impatient to wait or because I think I just better do it myself. Who knows why I do that?? But, I could see that it was easy for them to let go, to trust that someone else would take care of any details they hadn't already. They had done the hard work preparing, getting ready and now it was their time to enjoy themselves and their company. (They might have a different take on this, but they both seemed very calm and at ease.)
The wedding was beautiful, special. My sister-in-law's 2 young daughters, ages 7 and 4, were very much a part of the ceremony. You could feel the 4 of them become 1 family. I left that church, listening to the wedding bells of this little old Catholic Church ringing out fiercely over the country side. I felt filled with great hope for the future of this new little family. They are wrapped in love, held by many, many people, committed to their new life, to supporting them as they make their way on this journey. The celebration that followed was a reflection of just that...lots of lively conversation, laughter, dancing, good food and happiness.
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