Saturday, December 22, 2007

Outlook on Life

"Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself." Lululemon Giftbox

My sister gave me a yoga top for my birthday and it came in a Lululemon Giftbox. The box had a whole bunch of sayings on it and for some reason this one jumped out at me. I turned 34 this month and probably like myself (at least most of the time) more than ever before. Feels funny to say that, but it's true. My 34th birth-day was one of the better ones. It felt like a really blessed day. There was nothing particularly extradordinary about the day, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I started this entry a week or so ago and haven't made the time to get back to it. I had great plans of "blogging" weekly, my plan was Sundays. I missed last Sunday. On December 22, I held a Winter Solstice celebration at Yakima Yoga, doing 108 sun salutations. It was a very powerful experience. I am often attached to the outcome of my yoga teaching, wanting to know that I have something to offer, wanting feedback or some kind of recognition of its value. It's odd, as if the fact that people come isn't enough to tell me that I have something to offer. Perhaps it is just that whole ego thing getting in my way....regardless the Mala helped free me of that on some level. (I'm not so sure it won't resurface again, for now I think I've let it go a little, anyway.) I was struck by the power of the experience for others. I really didn't do anything, except have the idea and hold the space, what happened for people was of their own accord, their own creation. I am honored that I am able to hold that space and share something I truly love with a community of like minded people. I realized what happens for people is theirs and not mine, and I just need to be grateful for the process, the learning, the teaching that occurs within me by sharing something I love. Is any of this making any sense??? As a teacher, you wonder if you are imparting what you intend to. Ultimately, you have no control over how people hear you or what they take away from the experience. It has to be enough to have the right intention and then let the rest unfold on its own, otherwise I am creating my own suffering in teaching! Not my goal!
Speaking of which....Sean and I sat down tonight and wrote out our goals for the new year. Felt good to share that and identify what we want to come in to our lives in the coming year! One of mine is to be more impeccable with my words. Listen more, talk less.

Sean is watching Oceans 13 and I'm distracted.....

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Mothers and Sisters

"Many of us are living out the unlived lives of our mothers, because they were not able to become the unique people they were born to be." Gloria Steinem

I am always on a journey of sorts, traveling through the inner landscape of my being, searching the depths of myself for greater understanding, truth and freedom. My desire to be completely transparent propels me in to this unchartered territory of self, seeking wisdom and insight in to why I am here on this earth, and what imprint is it that I leave.

I begin thinking about Ruby and what part of my unique story will go unlived, what part will she play out for me. Our children are truly part of our own fabric and on some level it is reassuring to know that she just might complete any unfinished business I've left behind when my time on earth is over. And on the flip side of that, I feel like me (and my dear sister) are living out pieces of my mother's live that she didn't in her 30s. I'm thankful to say that she (my mom) too is doing this with her mother, living out a piece of my grandmother's life that she never got to. I feel like much of the work I've done, healing wounds of my past and unraveling my own undoing, I've done with the hope of making life easier for Ruby, not passing on to her the baggage I have carried. It's not likely I'll ever really arrive, be completely free of the baggage, but the bags do get lighter and the adventure is more fun.

I am grateful to be surrounded by wonderous, Wise Women, that encourage and support me as I learn and grow with along the way.