Grooves and Ruts

I am very tempted to go stand in my kitchen and eat handfuls of chocolate chips right now, but I'm not going to. (I brought a handful to eat at the computer desk instead.)  I've got a mountain of dishes around the sink from today's breakfast and lunch and didn't sit down to eat either meal myself.  I ate both of them standing up while preparing food for my kids or trying to pick up the house.  Thankfully, I don't usually do this.  For whatever reason, I feel like I have some anxious energy.  I keep wondering how in the heck I am going to do it ALL.  Moms are really the true superhero's I think.  We juggle a million things every day, manage to raise incredible children (at least in our own eyes) and nurture friendships, family, husbands, etc.  It's crazy.  I wonder sometimes if this had always been how it is, if my mother's life was like this, too and her mother's.  We have enormous expectations of ourselves and often times rise to them.  It seems to me like just feeding our family healthy, home cooked meals is a job in and of itself.    None of this is why I sat down to type though.... I was just in my kitchen thinking there had to be something more productive I could be doing than standing there looking at the dishes wondering how I do it, so I'm blogging, instead of perseverating (a new word I learned yesterday, I'm hoping I put it in the right context although I'm still not entirely convinced it is a word, and spell check is not recognizing it) about how women of today, moms in particular, do everything they do and hold it all together.
Grooves and ruts...in yoga philosophy we talk about samskaras.  If you aren't familiar with this word it sort of has two meanings "that which has been put together" and "that which puts together".  It is conditioned thinking, mental volition, these particular patterns of actions that we establish in our lives, typically through repetition.  I see the first meaning "that which has been put together" as the rut and the other, "that which puts together" as the groove.  The rut is something we create and the groove is already there and something we glide into and move forward in life through.
As I walked alone the other morning, I was contemplating how when I walk by myself, I walk the same route over and over again.  Once in awhile, I will switch directions, but that is about as far as I stray from my route.  My walking partner loves change and so she is always taking us on new routes, walking in different directions, new roads, searching for more hills to climb.  I enjoy the change, partly because someone else is directing it, I suppose, or perhaps because I am distracted.   Where am I going with this???  Good question.  I'm not entirely sure.  What I am sure of, is that these samskaras can be grooves or they can be ruts.  We get in these routines, cycles of behavior that can feel like we've got our groove on or it can feel like we are stuck in a rut.  They aren't really so different if you just think about them, but the connotation we give them is much different.  I've been working on this non-duality thing (remember Deb and Flow), seeing what feels like opposites as just two sides of the same coin, part of the same whole.  When I give my patterns this label of being in a rut, it drags me down.  If I give my pattern the label of getting in the groove of things, it takes on a whole different feeling.
That being said, I'm in a rut this week, a mental rut.  I'm trying to find my groove for this transition into the school year, work year, and all I feel is myself resisting the change.  My new shoes worked for a day and then here I am feeling like I am moving at a sluggish pace to find my groove and not doing so with much ease.
I know, I need to just be patient, sit back and enjoy the ride....watch life unfold and slowly, but surely I will find myself in the groove, going with the flow, feeling brilliant again.