I have been itching to write for a couple of weeks, but I have felt like I have nothing interesting to write about or anything that is brewing, that I might want to write about, is too close to home and you can't really blog about the people that read your blog, can you? Maybe you can.
It always feels like as the seasons change, I feel unsettled. Not in a bad way, it just feels like there is movement in the air and me being one that doesn't gracefully embrace change, I tend to feel a little cautious, vulnerable as things shift. Just like all of life, in order to make way for something new, we have to let go of something old. Being aware of this shift is helpful, but doesn't exempt me from experiencing it, by any means.
For the past few months, I have been walking in the mornings, most days with a friend that lives a couple of blocks away. We meet in the middle at about 6 a.m. and are usually still rubbing the sleep out of our eyes. We joke about what we do so we can sleep in another minute or two...I stopped putting my contacts in and wear my glasses. I think she wore her walking clothes to bed one night, or walked in her pajamas. Regardless of how early it was and how hard it was to get out of bed, knowing someone else was doing it too, or was relying on me to do it helped me get my hiney out from under the covers and get a move on. She started a new job recently and can't do the early morning walks due to her schedule and so this morning I headed out solo.
When my alarm went off at 5:50 a.m., I contemplated just going back to sleep. I spent the next 5 minutes talking myself in to getting up, knowing that if I didn't get up today, it would be easier not to tomorrow or the next day, and I've had a good thing going since school got out back in June. I finally made enough of a case for getting up and drug myself out from underneath the covers. As I reached around in the closet for my old sneakers, I remembered I had bought myself a new pair of walking shoes last week that I had yet to wear outside. I decided I would try them out today even though I wore them around the house one day last week and they hurt my feet. What the heck I'd be by myself and wouldn't slow anyone else down if I was limping by the end of my walk due to new blisters! Got the dog and off I went...
I love being out early in the morning, most houses are still quiet as I get going and by the time I am heading back toward home it feels like the street is waking up and the world is greeting the day. The morning walk has multiple purposes....when I walk with a friend, we talk, sort life out a bit and then that's taken care of for the day and I don't have to do any more mental processing (maybe that is why I haven't had anything to blog about either?). your exercise is done for the day, your body gets kick started and then there is something meditative about walking for me, too. The other day in yoga class, my friend and teacher described spirituality as your relationship with yourself. I loved that description. I would most likely have described it, prior to hearing it articulated that way, as your relationship to the divine. We are divine and it really is about you and how you view yourself in relationship to that. I'm not sure that makes sense as I write it, but it makes sense to me. I definitely feel this awareness as I walk, particularly when I am alone.
The shoes didn't hurt my feet, I felt inspired to write, settled in my own skin again and my mind felt uncluttered when I got back home. The winds of change are on the horizon, its a new season, I'm "back to work", school has started. It's not that change in our lives ever stops, there are just periods when we are more aware of what is changing, I think. Thank God for new shoes. For whatever reason, leaving my old shoes in the closet this morning felt like letting go, releasing whatever it is that I've been holding on to that feels like it's holding me back. "Today I put my new shoes on and suddenly everything is right..." I'm stealing lines from a song here...
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