I am always seeking to better know myself, to understand what motivates me, what triggers old unproductive thought patters, what moves me, etc. I found myself journaling the other day under the heading (one I wrote) "What I know about myself". I started laughing part ways through as I reflected upon what I was doing and seeing half way down my list "I know I wonder what people who really know me think of me." I have spent many an hour pouring over my own writings, intensely reading old journals, wondering who is this person I am reading about. I do think I know myself pretty well, I'm pretty rooted in who I am. I don't always like what comes out of my mouth, but I am self aware and typically know exactly what is going on with me when I say things I wish I would say differently. By and large, my actions are an accurate reflection of me, I hold fast to some basic truths about how we should interact with others, how we should be in the world, and granted sometimes I get carried away, but mostly I operate from a place of goodness and light, and I'd like to think that what I say and do reflects that.
For some reason in the Spring, at least for the last 3 years (which is as far back as I can remember what spring felt like) I get restless, almost agitated, but not quite. I get this itchy feeling in my soul, like I want to take a spiritual road trip. I'm not sure what it is about the spring that does it. I tend to seek more, want to feel connected more. I find myself making more phone calls to friends, sending more emails, on facebook more, etc. I am trying to understand where this comes from and got curious about Ayurveda doshas and how that might come into play. (For those who are not familiar with Ayurveda and doshas...Ayurveda is a system of traditional medicine or healing from India, one that is seen in the west as a bit alternative. There are 3 dominant doshas, which are described as "life energies behind our bodily functions." For example, do you have high, moderate or low activity level. Do you tend to be overweight, underweight, or moderate? You get the picture.) The 3 doshas are each made up of 2 of the 5 element: air, fire, water, space, earth. The 3 doshas are vata (air and space), pitta (fire and air), and kapha (earth and water). I didn't know what my dosha was and so I took a few tests to determine my dosha. I always assumed that I was vata, I'm not sure why, I guess due to a lack of knowledge about the whole thing. When you know your dosha, you can better understand what some of your tendencies might be and hopefully have an easier time keeping yourself in balance. For example, if you are vata, you might be like the wind...unpredictable, cool, quick to change and to balance that out, you might need more structure, stability in your life, more grounding. Now, let me say, I am no expert on this, and there is a whole lot of information about this, if you want it. I'm just trying to give a framework for where I am going which I've kind of forgotten.
Oh yes, so I am kapha, earth and water. Not what I suspected, but after reading about the qualities inherent to this dosha, they fit...stable, loyal, dependable, to name a few. I was actually calling myself (to myself) Debbie Dependable the other day. So, what is my point? Spring is certainly a season that is characterized by more movement of the air, everything lightens up in the world. Nature re-emerges in all its glory, it's lighter outside, days are longer, it's warmer. I think my earthy nature feels out of sorts, ungrounded in this season. It makes me a little nervous and I'd like to be able to instead see it as an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to match my nature with nature, to re-emerge a little, to find a new beginning in some way shape or form. I am hoping that now I know, I can move through this season with a little bit more awareness and just maybe, I will find myself in a more balanced, less restless place. Happy Spring!
P.S. If you want to discover your dosha, click on this link. This is just one test to take, there are many out there. At the bottom of the test there are articles about Ayurveda and doshas if you want to learn more.
http://www.yogajournal.com/health/498
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