Sunday, October 10, 2010

I see you and I hear you

My husband and I are big fans of the show Parenthood.  We meet on the couch most Tuesday nights, kids are in bed, hopefully the kitchen is cleaned from dinner, lunches are made for the next day, living room is picked up, etc.  There is something about this show, the complications of family, both the immediate family and the larger extended family, that speaks to us.  I find I always laugh at some point in the show and I almost always cry (well, actually always, anything touching usually moves me to tears).  A couple of episodes ago there was an exchange between the mom and dad or should I call them the grandma and grandpa.  They are going to couple's counseling in an attempt to salvage their marriage.  The husband says this line to his wife, "I see you and I hear you."  as a way to acknowledge he is getting her.  It's obvious that one of the sources of discord in their marriage is her feeling like she isn't seen or heard, like he doesn't always connect with her in that deeper way we all need.
My husband has taken to saying this to me periodically when he knows I am trying to express something significant to me.  The first couple of times he said it, I probably rolled my eyes.  I was a little ruffled by it, felt like he was patronizing me.  As he has continued to use it, I see that he really does get it.  Just yesterday, he had done something that got under my skin.  It was something small, something I figured I could probably let go of if I just pushed it out of the way. Then I remembered, the little things lead to bigger things, and so after I wasn't feeling irritated about it any longer, I shared with him what was bothering me.  He initially started defending himself, trying to explain why what happened, happened.  I didn't really care, frankly, I just wanted to feel heard.  He could see my frustration and he stopped talking, looked directly into my eyes and said it..."I see you and I hear you."  I felt myself soften.  He got it. 
I came across this quote the other day from one of my favorite author's..."Writing a book is an acceptable form of being completely naked in public."... or something along those lines.  I've said it before, we all want to be seen and heard.  We all want to feel like we can stand naked in public, so to speak, and be embraced, be loved for the essence of who we are.  Any close relationship holds that possibility, we just don't always choose to reveal ourselves enough to go there.  There is risk involved when you share your truth, whether it be writing a book or telling someone how you feel.  I'd like to think that more often than not, the reward is greater than the risk.
I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this or that these two things even come together, but I guess that is why I blog, why I share these personal stories of my day to day life, in hopes that I will be seen and be heard, in hopes that my stories will inspire something in someone, or that they will remind you that we are all very much the same, more the same than we are different.

1 comment:

mtweedy said...

I love your blog! I haven't kept up on it but now that I am back to blogging (at least for the day!) I can regularly check it! maybe my reward for blogging!