oh dear!

I am trying to "practice" my writing on a somewhat daily basis.  I don't always do that by blogging.  Sometimes, it means writing in my journal, sometimes, it means scribbling down random thoughts or ideas in a notebook and on occasion it is just me writing in my head as I walk or as I drive.  It's those times when I wish I had a recording device.  It usually only manifests itself into a blog when I have something to write about.  I know, there is always, always, SOMEthing to write about.
I just returned home about 25 minutes ago.  It has been a full morning.  I dropped kids off, visited at my in-laws for a bit, headed to my old high school to do a suicide prevention presentation to a group of freshman, volunteered at Ruby's school, picked up the two younger kids, returned home, got them down for naps (actually I can hear Elsie squawking in her crib, but she needs a nap, so I'm going to leave her be for a bit) and then I have an hour or so before we head out the door again.  I'm tired just typing all that and man, why don't I feel exhausted after doing it?  I'm choosing to use this precious time I have with kids napping and no demands of the moment for myself.
I've got these 2 things I keep pondering...one is how we spend our time and the other is what we hold as dear.  I am going to try and find some common ground between the two, forgive me if I'm not all that coherent in my thoughts.
Most people I know are busy.  Well, let me think, I don't know anyone who is not busy.  Everyone's plates are full, whether it be with kids, volunteering, working.  I don't know anyone who sits idly and watches the day float past.  Really.  That being said, we have all the time we need.  We just don't always make decisions about how we spend our time that match what it is that we value.  I had this busy morning and as I ran home for 10 minutes in between my time at Ruby's school and picking up Willis, I thought to myself, phew, it's been a packed morning.  And then, I smiled.  I wouldn't choose to spend my time any other way.  I can't say that for every day.  Some days I waste my time.  I go buy stuff I don't need, I eat chocolate chips or other goodies because I am bored, I spend time on the computer window shopping or being a cyber-snooper on facebook, or who knows what.  I'd feel much more satisfied, I am sure, if I made a conscious choice to spend that time doing something that nourishes me than to just let the time pass.  It's like the difference between taking charge of your life and letting life happen to you.  There is no question in my mind that I am, in the bigger scheme of things, in charge of my own life. 
And what we hold dear...that is my other food for thought at the moment.  The latest American Girl catalog has this line on the front "What is dear to you?".  My mind immediately listed off a whole bunch of things as I walked back from the mailbox with it.  Here are a few...
my kids.  chubby little feet and the smell of baby's breath.  blankies.  my mom, her relationship with my kids, with kids who aren't hers biologically, but belong to her heart.  my dad, his passion for literacy and the way he lives that out, his willingness to help me whenever I ask, his love of nature, his wild grey hair.  my sister, the way she can make me laugh like no one else.  watching my children laugh with each other the same way.  watching my daughter laugh with my sister's daughters that same way.  knowing i am loved, always, no matter what.  having friends i can call to pick up my kids from school in a pinch, or can call on whenever i need anything.  my sisters-in-law, treasures, sisters of my heart.  my girlfriends.  mom squad.  my mother in law, she will always listen, always encourage, always offer her wisdom.  my father-in-law, he is so generous, sees the good in people, always supportive. teachers. my husband, his laughter, his commitment to me, his playful spirit, watching him with babies.  yoga, other yoga teachers, anyone who does yoga.  prevention work and those who do it.  meeting new people that you know get you.  people who express themselves through art.  generous acts of kindness, like friends who bring over a meal unexpectedly or a chocolate treat.  chocolate in general.  laughter. morning walks. dates with my husband. babysitters. a good book.  feeling connected to another human being.
This list could be endless.  I could go on and on.  We have so much to hold dear and I guess what I have been pondering is whether or not I always spend my time on those things I hold dear?  Not so much.  Sometimes because things like the dishes have to get done, but sometimes because I am just not mindful of what I am doing.  I've got 30 minutes left before we go to pick up Ruby...I'm off to make the most of it.