Here Comes the Sun

We are well on our way in to summer vacation. Day 3. So far, so good. The days seem to have a rhythm of some sort (all 2 1/2 of them) and they pass much quicker than I would expect. I don't find myself in those lulls of the day, wondering what to do with myself. I blog, that is what I do with myself. (I'm chuckling to myself, because that is probably really what is happening, instead of wandering around the kitchen, shuffling messes from one place to another, I sit and write, like right now.) Back to summer, after my daughter got out of school, I made a commitment to myself to get out early every morning for a little time to myself. I'm hoping to be a regular walker by the end of the summer, my dog hopes so, too. It isn't that I didn't walk before, I did, big top circus style. I walked to and from school, pushing a double stroller, carrying a baby on my body, and digging my heels into the pavement to prevent from being pulled down the street by the dog I am "walking" on a leash. He does much better when it's just him and I, or maybe I just have a whole lot more patience for him then. I don't know, but regardless, my body has been telling me it needs to walk without all the hoopla, without all the pushing and pulling. So, I I have gotten up before 6 a.m. the past 3 days to have a little time to myself.
Oh, I get side tracked. I had a conversation the other day about taking time for yourself when you are a mom. I remember when I just had 1, not 3, just 1, and I thought the idea of finding time for myself every day, even 20 minutes, seemed LU-DI-CROUS. I did, I couldn't imagine it. I remember I tried it one week and failed miserably and then was just plain pissed off about the fact that it was something I couldn't see doing. Well, thank Goodness for life, because now I know I need it and I am not being selfish for taking it. Yesterday, I almost didn't take my morning walk, the baby woke up as I was leaving, she wasn't hungry, I had just fed her, she was just wide eyed and smiling. Her daddy needs his sleep and I thought he'd be grumpy if I left. And then it occurred to me, I might be grumpy if I don't leave. Lo and behold, I may have, at 36, finally figured out how to take care of myself, at least for today. Being human, it is quite possible I will unlearn this, and then have to relearn it again at some point. For now, I get it and that is a good thing.
Back to where I was going with this when I started....this morning, instead of walking, I went to a 5:30 a.m. yoga class outside. It was cold, the grass was kind of wet, my feet were freezing. I think I actually saw my breath. One toe in particular felt like it was suffering from frost bite (it was not THAT cold). It was the one with a toe ring, maybe it was the cold metal? Anyways, my mind was relatively quiet that early in the morning and as we made our way through a few sun salutations, all of a sudden the sun popped up over the horizon. My arms were stretched upwards toward the sky, my feet were firmly planted on the earth, and I could feel the sun's warmth after only a few seconds. It felt like a little slice of heaven.
Honoring the sun this morning, felt oh so symbolic. This sun that gives us life here on earth is easy to take for granted. It shows up everyday, sometimes it is more brilliant than others, but we know, every day the sun rises and sets. I couldn't help but see the parallel with our SELF (the self with a capital S, our truest deepest self). It shows up every day, even when we ignore it, don't give it proper care, don't honor its needs. Every time I come to the mat, for myself, not to teach, I am reminded of what a gift I am giving by taking time for myself. It makes me a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, more honest, more compassionate, more authentic.
My daughter is calling me outside, she wants to play.....here comes the sun.