Sweet Child of Mine

Every night we snuggle our kids before bed. As I snuggled my son, my daughter piped up from her bed and told me she felt sad. I asked her what she was feeling sad about. She told me she would tell me when I snuggled her. I wrapped up my snuggle with her brother and made my way to her bed, curious, half thinking this was a ploy to get me to read her one more book. It wasn't. She told me she didn't want to grow up because she was afraid to die.
A close friend of ours had to say goodbye to their dog today. A dog that was more than just a dog, he was truly part of their family. You couldn't know them without also knowing their dog, doesn't matter if you encountered them on vacation or at work, you'd meet the dog, too and inevitably learn to love his idiosyncrasies. We had seen him the night before he died and Ruby noticed he was really skinny. "He didn't look very good" she said when we got home. We said a prayer for Saguate.
And last week, my daughter's preschool teacher's husband died. Two days prior to his passing we dropped off a meal. Ruby, the sweet little soul she is, made a card for her old teacher...”I hope George gets bedr.” it said. She thought it might make her feel better. It was all I could do to stop the flood of tears as we walked up to the door to deliver the food. I could see his hospital bed through the window, I knew the end was near. I don't know if Ruby saw me crying, but she seems to be pretty in tune, she reached for my hand as we walked away.
I think the combination of these two events and her attending Bible-cation School (otherwise known as Vacation Bible School) this week where there is lots of talk about Heaven and God made her think about what really happens when you die. Ruby said some interesting things and it fascinates me to hear about what is turning in her little mind. She's pretty deep for a 5 year old, I think...probably just runs in her blood. My mom says I've been like I am, introspective, deep, for as long as she can remember. As I talked to Ruby and tried to help her make sense of what she was fearing, she said she wished that “life was different”, that when we got old, we got young again, that she would be sad not to be able to see everyone when she died because her eyes would be closed. I told her we kind of do get young again after we get old and that everyone she loves will be with her after she dies. I also told her it was a long ways away, that she was going to live a very long time.
As Ruby continued to talk and question what happens in death, my mind was trying to process what I should say, how I should comfort her and ease her worried little mind. A 5 year old shouldn't go to bed worried about getting old and dying. She was concerned there wasn't houses in Heaven, that she wouldn't be able to visit the people she loves or see her family.
I don't know what happens when you die, no one does, really, but certainly people have opinions about it. It is important to me that I am honest with my kids. I believe that we go back to the Source, back to where we came from. I believe it is a peaceful place we return to, a place of love and light, a place that feels good. Ruby told her brother the other day that if he ever misses their Mamma (my mom) to “drink warm water because it feels like her, snugly and good, like when you are cozy in her lap.” I told her I think that is what it feels like in Heaven and that the people she loves would be there with her. She smiled at some point and seemed to feel at ease, to relax. I kissed her goodnight and left her to fall asleep.
My husband came in and snuggled her and then joined me in the living room. He had been laying with my son, listening to our conversation. I asked him if I said the right thing, I've never had that conversation before and wasn't sure what the right thing was. He said that yes, of course I said the right thing, I calmed her and she stopped crying, right? She did. I'm sure it won't be the last of those conversations I have with my daughter. All I can do is offer my truth, what I know of it, and answer her questions without giving her more information than she needs or then her 5 year old world can understand.
In the words of Axel Rose..."Where do we go? Oh oh oh oh oh oh Where do we go? oh oh oh oh oh oh Sweet Child of Mine."