Tuesday, May 4, 2010

my slice of the pie

i might be making a habit out of this...i hope so.
I love being a stay at home mom. I love having 3 kids, am enjoying the baby stage and am also thankful for the work outside the home I get to do - a little bit of yoga and a little bit of "real work". (Yoga doesn't feel like work, because I would probably be doing it whether or not I got paid to.) Lately, I have had this sense though that something is missing in all this. I find myself checking email way too often throughout the day, cybersnooping (just wanted to use this fun new term I learned last week), texting people...in essense, I think I just want to feel connected to something. To feel like I am something other than a MOM. During the day when I am busy, kids are awake, trying to get house work done, etc...I am not so aware of it, but when I sit in the quiet of the day, chores done, kids asleep, I am often at a loss as to what to do with myself. Maybe it is just this time in life?
My husband and I regularly watch the show Parenthood. It always seems to strike a cord with us in terms of parenting, family dynamics, or as a couple. In last week's episode, Adam's wife (I don't remember her name), a mother of 2 children, one autistic, and one in high school, considered leaving her full time job as a mom and going back to a job similar to what she did before kids. I could so relate, watching her get so excited about the possibility and then as the reality of what that would mean for their family set in, she said "no way, what was I thinking." I feel like that sometimes. The effort to get my needs met, at times, seems like more effort than its worth. I know in the end, it probably is not, BUT its hard to remember when you spend your days tending to someone else's needs. Some weeks I am better than others at carving out a little slice of the pie for myself. And sometimes, you just have to take what you can get...you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need....ah yeah.

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