Not My Best Self

My husband is out of town this weekend, a little work and a little play. He needed it, some time away, some time to be something other than a father, husband, home owner, etc. He needed to feel a sense of freedom from all the responsibilities that stack up on his plate. It's not that he has more than me, I think they just weigh on us differently and his tolerance for stress isn't the same as mine. I sent him off yesterday with my blessings, not resentful in the least (honestly) that he was getting the heck out of here and that I was staying home with the kids. I have been presently aware of how much our attitude plays in to our experience and trying to live that out. It's so much more fun than the alternative.
I'm digressing from my topic, but that's okay. My time since he left has been full. My sister and my 3 beautiful nieces came for dinner last night. I don't get the opportunity to spend time with my sister often enough. In our busy lives, coming and going with our children, we don't get to sit down with a glass of wine and talk about the good, the bad, the ugly, too often. It felt good, easy, deep. I went to bed thankful for the sisterhood we have. This morning, the kids and I had breakfast with my mom, played outside and then spent the late afternoon at my niece's dance recital. We rounded out the evening with dinner together, my mom, my dad, my sister and her 3 girls, me and the kids. My bucket is full.
My husband just called to check in. We talked about our days, his work gig at a hippie fest (we used to be the hippies at the fest, not doing outreach and education, the times they are a changing). I shared about my family filled weekend, we chit chatted a bit. Toward the end of the conversation, I couldn't help myself and shared a bit of information about a friend of ours, a marriage going south. Why I did this, I do not know. My husband's reply was "Thanks for that Debbie Downer moment, honey." in a playful, yet honest way. He left to get away, it's not as if that information couldn't wait, no? We talked a little about the last time he was with this couple. We hung up shortly after. He's probably sitting in an oversized chair watching the World Cup game at his buddy's. He's probably not still processing this. I am, of course.
It brings me back to my yoga, always. The very first principal of yoga is non-harm. Maybe I am hard on myself, maybe I didn't want to know this information either and then shared it because I didn't know what else to do with it. I don't know. Maybe I find some pleasure in the gossip of it (I sincerely hope that is not it). All I know is, the moment it came out of my mouth, I wished I could take it back. I wished I could press the rewind button and redo. I can't. So, I can sit here and be mad at myself, or I can let this one go and know that I am not my best self when I share someone else's news, that isn't mine to share in the first place. I think I'll pick the latter and call it a night.